


Hate you, Love you.

by Sugarcubs



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion, Nge
Genre: Angst, M/M, Song fic, Suicide mention, Time Loop Theory, canon character death, kaworu pov, kinda?? its not that sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-23 22:20:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7482099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sugarcubs/pseuds/Sugarcubs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaworu is tired of looping so he leaves a recording of himself singing to Shinji as he watches him from above.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hate you, Love you.

**Author's Note:**

> This is supposed to be the song "Hate u, Love u" by Gnash. I do not claim ownership to it. But I rewrote all the lyrics to be kawoshin. It'd be better if you listened to the song first.

//Put in your headphones and drown out the noise//

“You’ve always been used Shinji, no one could love you.” The voices awake you and you can’t help but scream. You try to forget the dreams, his lips on yours his blood, his screams. Night after night you relive the scene, and you still feel sick even though it’s just a dream. He’s gone with your heart and you try to forget, but suddenly you hear his voice like music...You’re screaming “I hate you, I hate you, I love you” barely choking out sobs, but then you hear my song. You listen. 

 

_ I miss you every time I take my first breath _

_ life after life wish I never left _

_ And when we’re together I’ll always remember _

_ but you’ll just forget _

_ Tell me Shinji _

_ Does your heart ache for me as mine does for you? _

_ A thousand death and they were all for you _

_ I swear I’ll bring you the happiness you need _

_ I’m just so tired of all of these loops _

_ But darling I was born to meet you  _

_ I’m sorry I’ve left you time after time _

_ But you don’t remember my pitiful lives _

_ I wish you’d remember at least one last loop _

_ Cause maybe...I want happiness too _

_ Oh sometimes I hear you cry _

_ Sitting on the beach you scream you loved me too _

_ I wish you would want me but know you don’t know _

_ Please next time hold me and don’t let me go _

 

Your eyes widen as they hear the song. Kaworu left this...and when you realise what it means you scream, “I hate you, Why, I love you so much, why did you lie, why haven’t you told me?” But through your sobs you hear his song. 

_ I’ve caused so much harm _

_ I’ve heard your screams _

_ More than my name _

_ Heh _

_ Maybe I’m the one with the fragile glass heart _

_ Will these loops ever work out? _

_ I’m scared shinji i can’t help but doubt _

_ I’d never hurt you but I’m out of tricks _

_ I’m so sorry Shinji but I’m tired of this _

_ I miss you so much mistakes run up my wrists _

_ I constantly see you, but you feel so distant _

_ I want to stop maybe this time is different _

_ Shinji you taught me you can’t live without feelings _

_ But when I wake up you are gone _

_ I guess another loop went wrong _

_ I swear shinji you’re so strong _

_ And I’ll pray your lonely ears will hear my song _

 

_ You hate my words _

_ You love my voice _

_ You hate we’ve gone wrong _

_ But you love me _

_ I know we’re meant to be _

 

_ I don’t want to _

_ But I can’t feel for anyone but you _

_ And Shinji? _

 

_ I hate you too _

_ I love you _

_ I’m jealous _

_ But I need you _

_ I can never be there for you _

 

_ And in my death I see you watch her _

_ She’s the only one left with you _

_ I see you shaking you must still care _

_ Shinji could you die for me? _

 

_ Please stand alone and gaze at pictures _

_ Of everyone already gone _

_ Shinji will you ever notice _

_ For you I’ve died a thousand times _

 

You stand on your rooftops and turn off the music, but for once you didn’t hear the noise. You step forward and as you weep you swear you sing with him.

 

_ “ _ **_I hate you_ **

**_I love you_ **

**_I hate that I love you_ **

**_I can’t think of anybody but you”_ **

 

**_And I hate that it has come to this_ **

**_But I love you_ **

**_I hope in death we’ll be together_ **


End file.
